Humans are selfish creatures. It’s in our nature and that’s okay to admit.
When you’re born, there’s no orientation into life. Theres not a sit-down meeting, where you’re explained what you’re in for. Trust me, my mom and I have gotten into the “I didn’t sign up to be born” argument many times. There’s no instructions on “being a human.” And even if there were, by the time you were at an age to understand such an introduction, you would have already lived for several years.
Therefore, you grow up in your own little world that you’ve created for yourself. Naturally, and subconsciously… selfishly.
You put it together as you grow older that everyone has their own brains and their own inner voices, their own little worlds, their own battles. You realize that to other people, they are their own main characters and to them, YOU are a background role, a role that isn’t necessary for the show to go on. It sounds silly, but I think it’s a moment we all experience. But as we grow up, we don’t realize to what extent that we don’t matter.
I remember being a little girl and passing random people on the street, wondering who they really were. Or what their favorite tv show was. Or what they did last night. Who was their mom? Where did they live? What were they thinking? I’d close my eyes really tight, trying to picture what it would feel like to be them. To see what they saw, to talk like them, to think how they thought. To see life through some one else’s point of view.
It is true, that as we get older, we become less selfish and more empathetic. We begin to understand others. It’s easier to put ourselves in other’s shoes as we grow with experience. We develop a love for people that is so deep, that when they hurt, we hurt. Our minds are more capable of understanding the perspectives and feelings of others.
But deep down, that childlike mentality is still there. That you are the main character, and everyone else is a participant. That you are first and that everyone revolves around you. We overthink why others aren’t thinking about us, we care so deeply about ourselves before anyone else. Underneath it all… we’re still a little selfish. And we can pretend that we don’t, but for a bunch of selfish people, we sure care a lot about what other people think.
Trust me, growing up in a family of six, I’ve had many doses of “the world doesn’t revolve around you, stop being a brat.” But take it out of the context of sharing with siblings and into the real world.
This year, I’ve had more fair shares of “let it go, not everything is about you” than I thought I could possibly handle. I started this school year in a brand new town as a completely heartbroken girl with no idea what to do with her life. Sounds cliche, that right when you get your heart broken for the first time, you up and move to a new state and start a new life. But as they say, life plays out how it’s supposed to, and there I was in Missoula MT. I won’t get into it. But just imagine being sad two states away from your mom and your dog. Unbearable, right?
I had to learn how to understand that I am only in control of myself. Nobody else. I couldn’t tell someone they were making the stupidest decision ever, I couldn’t tell someone that what they were about to do is something they were going to regret. I couldn’t make decisions for anyone else but myself and I think I struggled with thinking I knew other people better than they knew themselves.
I needed to learn that I was still a background role, and that my voice wasn’t bigger than anyone else’s. My problems weren’t greater than anyone else’s just because they were mine. I needed to learn that everyone else was figuring themselves out and that I was no different.
Do you see where I’m getting with this?
I was selfish enough to think the world stopped for my heart break, my uncertainty, my unhappiness. I need to stop sitting in bed all day and putting my life on pause because of how bad I was mentally. My classes didn’t wait for me to feel better to start covering the hard stuff. I had to advocate for myself and my mental health. I continue to think about the people I pass on the street. I have no idea what’s going on in their life, and it sure could be a hell of a lot worse than what’s going on in mine. I still close my eyes really tight, trying to picture what it would feel like to be them. To see what they saw, to talk like them, to think how they thought. To see life through someone else’s point of view. To see what keeps them up at night. Maybe they cry in their dorm room nightly just like me and we actually have stuff in common!! No? Too much info? ok.
What I’m getting at, is that when you grow up in your own little world that you’ve created for yourself, you are spending so much time in your own mind that you don’t realize the world really doesn’t revolve around you. You are not the only one with the broken heart, the homesickness, the uncertainty.
Breathe, be small, find the good things. Hold the people that love you really close. Make people feel important. You can do it!!
ELLIE B 