“… but then I catch myself and I come back to. I used to be too hard on myself for not paying attention, and the last thing I ever wanted was someone to pay attention to my lack of. It wasn’t until I was older and learned to shed that insecurity that I realized I was paying attention- it just looked different and deeper. I spend a lot of time observing. I observe the people around me. I promise you I’ve noticed everything about you, I’ve already put you together in my head-but I won’t let you know it. There’s something quietly sacred about really seeing someone and keeping the nuances to yourself.
You notice a lot when you spend most of your day in a shy zoned out seratonin overflow observation. I see these two. I admire the love they have for their partner. I catch onto what makes them tick. I see the patterns. Like how she is trying not to laugh when he keeps making jokes about the name of the trailhead. She secretly loves it, and he knows it. Obviously that’s why he won’t stop even though now she’s yelling at him?
It’s that, with everybody, all day long. People would tell me to pay attention to the important things, and get frustrated that I can’t remember the main idea. But I am remembering the important things, I remember that she doesn’t like to be touched, I remember that they feel more successful when they have all the details beforehand. I remember that she hates ketchup and don’t even offer, because she will feel unimportant if you don’t remember that about her. I am paying attention to the important things, because observing the little things about the people around you make them feel important.” something I wrote when I was told things would be easier if I just payed attention.
ELLIE B 